you've come a long way baby

I haven't been on here for a very long time and had difficulty actually finding my blog :-/
I reread my blogs and thought 'who in the world wrote this? Me?
It has been a long time......
Much has gone on.....
I think I am finally settling into myself .. finding out I'm ok, semi normal (whatever normal means)
happy with who I am....
Growing up (I dont have and never did have a good memory) I felt in general I had a pleasant childhood.
From what I understand this is not so for some of my siblings.
Isn't that how life molds us.... funny that.
Even with all this molding going on how we respond/react is entirely up to us...
I have been put so far out of my comfort zone lately and realized it didnt kill me and I did not harm another living soul either :))
I like stability and calm and knowing what the plan is...... well I am living the opposite... for now..
1.quit my job of 12 years(comfort) to another job to which I am not very good at(huge discomfort)
2.my house up for sale, not sure where I'll live if it sells.... holy jumpin dina!!!
3. looking to move an hour + away so will need to quit my job, again, and be unemployed :-/
4. my stepson has ADHD among other challenges .... fun times too..
On the plus side I married Walter who is the calming water in my life and also the ying to my yang etc etc etc :)) (insert 'soulmate, sweetie pie, honey bunch' here) He keeps me sane.
Until you are stretched beyond what you know or desire you dont realize what you are capable of...
( no not murder, sheesh!)
There are somethings you just have to realize and it comes with time/age:

you cannot control life, it only seems like you can...for a time...then life takes over again..learn to adapt
.
you cannot control other people and make them who you think they should be... bad bad idea...

putting others before yourself is a win win situation...it works and you'll be happier for it..."me 1st' doesnt work...

and most most importantly give thanks for all things, good and no so good.... they are lessons to make us and to mold us into who and what  He desires and knows we can be.

So.... bring it on .... I wonder what I'll be up to next month???

The Evolution of Me, Seriously :)

I have this problem, some may think it is terrible or scary others may not. It can and quite often does get  me into trouble.... sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. Up to now only a handful of people know about it and it doesn't seem to bother them, I don't think. Well the problem is that I think I can do anything. I get something in my head like "Oh, I should redo my bathroom." and then I go for it..... how about:  maybe  I should put down laminate flooring in the kitchen,  perhaps  I should rip out the drywall in the porch and insulate out there, lets build a new door for the barn....  Problem?  Ummmm ya, I don't know how to do any of this stuff. Problem?  No, problemssss'.  This house was not, I repeat NOT built by a carpenter.... just try putting up drywall,  'nough said!  Most of my projects are by trial and error. I eventually figure them out. Me and my power tools are best buddies. I think the biggest problem is there isn't anyone telling me ' You can't do that!'. So I go merrily along getting into messes and getting out of messes. Most of my messes turn out okay. :)
Messes seem to search me out.... that is for sure.... like the time I got locked out 3 times in a 24 hour time period. Seriously, true story.The third time me and dad and Dorothy got locked out of their house and I climbed a ladder to their bedroom window, which by the way was quite small but I never thought I couldn't do it or fit through it....  you can see where this problem of mine keeps cropping up...
ah, well, life is never boring around here.....

Hmmmmm I think I'll paint the house this summer.......

Refreshingly Honest

Today I was feeling kind of blah, not wanting to go anywhere or do the things I knew needed to be done. There are days like these but I am finding them more often then not. After a much needed nap I found and read my son in laws Thursdays' blog on Facebook. I find his writings insightful and today he let us in to the private place where we usually keep people out. You know the place, the ' no one will like me if they knew the real me' place.

It's the place where all our deep dark secrets are held for fear of not being accepted. I imagine it was a little scary for him to write. You open yourself up to being judged and leave yourself vunerable to being hurt as well.  It brought me face to face with myself. He could have been talking about me. I think we are all more alike than we would ever imagine and the need for acceptance, love and sense of belonging keeps that secret place buried deep.  But knowing that we are  more alike, deep down, is somewhat of a comfort to me. I am not the only one who by times has those types of feelings/emotions. We are taught to 'be nice' and when we are not we can be riddled with guilt  and sometimes may beat our selves up. Ah, but there is hope of forgiveness, unconditional love and acceptance isn't there? Through Christ's example and the grace written in the Word we can have that hope. I am still going to have things in that secret place but  know beyond a shadow of a doubt if I want that forgiveness and unconditional love I have but to ask for it. I am a work in progress and He is not finished with me yet..... bit by tiny bit I am hopeful of cleaning out that secret place.....